The person I had been protecting was now protecting me | They don’t necessarily need us to make every decision | They may need us to listen |
NV Paulose, Chairman, Global TV +91 98441 82044
There is a habit that every generation seems to develop: we underestimate the generation that comes after us. We look at young people and remember what they were like when they were children. We continue to see the teenager who needed to be reminded to wake up, the student who needed to be told to study, or the child who needed someone to make decisions for them. Then, one day, we discover that they have grown up. But sometimes we don’t notice the change immediately. We continue to judge them by an old picture of who they were instead of paying attention to who they have become. I was reminded of this through my own two daughters. I often say that when I stand before youngsters, I have to begin by acknowledging that I take advice from two youngsters every day. I have two daughters, and both of them watch me closely. Whatever I do, whatever decision I make, whatever opinion I express, there is a good chance that one of them will have something to say about it. And I cannot simply avoid listening to them. That has taught me something important about the younger generation. We should not take them lightly. We should take them seriously. I experienced this particularly with my elder daughter.
She told me that she wanted to study in Bangalore. I resisted. I had my reasons. I knew the colleges. I knew the environment. I knew what was available closer to home. From my perspective, staying here would be easier, safer, and more convenient. But she had made up her mind. She wanted Bangalore. I resisted several times, but eventually I took her there. She started her CA Articleship and began building a life of her own. On the first day, I accompanied her to the Metro. As a parent, my natural instinct was to make sure she was safe. I remember taking hold of her and helping her as we stepped into the Metro. I was the one protecting her. A month later, I went to visit her. We were at the Metro again. But this time, something had changed. She took hold of me to make sure I was safe while stepping into the Metro. It was a small moment. But for me, it represented a major shift. The person I had been protecting was now protecting me. The child I had been making decisions for was becoming an adult capable of taking responsibility. And that is something parents sometimes struggle to accept. We spend so many years protecting our children that we forget to notice when they no longer need the same kind of protection. They still need us, but differently. They don’t necessarily need us to make every decision. They may need us to listen. They may need our experience. They may need us to warn them about mistakes we have already made. But they also need space to make their own decisions and experience the consequences of those decisions. That is not irresponsibility. That is growing up.
I noticed the same transformation in my daughters when they started working. Earlier, they were not particularly interested in getting up early. I would come home around nine in the morning and see them still getting started with their day. Then they began going to work. Suddenly, they were ready by seven. That meant they were waking up at five-thirty or six. The same young people who had appeared reluctant to wake up early were now getting themselves ready for work before most people had started their day. What changed? Responsibility. When something became genuinely theirs, they took ownership of it. This is an important lesson for parents, teachers, and institutions. Sometimes we complain that young people are not responsible enough, while simultaneously refusing to give them real responsibility. We want them to behave like adults, but we continue to treat them like children. We want them to take initiative, but we tell them exactly what to do. We want them to make good decisions, but we don’t allow them to make decisions. We want them to become independent, but we are afraid to let them experience independence.
Responsibility cannot simply be taught through lectures. Responsibility grows when responsibility is given. That is why the relationship between generations has to change. The older generation has experience that the younger generation needs. But the younger generation has something equally valuable: a different understanding of the world. They are growing up with technologies, social environments, career possibilities, and ways of communicating that many of us never experienced at their age. We don’t have to agree with everything they do. But we do have to understand them. And understanding does not mean surrendering our values. It means being willing to listen before judging.
One of the biggest mistakes an older generation can make is to assume that everything new is inferior to everything old. Every generation has its strengths and weaknesses. Our responsibility is not to produce another version of ourselves. It is to help the next generation become the best version of themselves. That requires a different kind of parenting. A different kind of teaching. A different kind of leadership.
Instead of always asking, “Why are young people like this?” perhaps we should sometimes ask, “What are young people capable of that we haven’t noticed yet?” That question changes the conversation. It makes us observers rather than critics. It makes us curious rather than dismissive. And it allows us to discover abilities that may otherwise remain hidden. Young people do not need constant applause. They need something more valuable: trust. Give them a responsibility. Let them organize something. Allow them to make a decision.
Ask for their opinion. Listen when they disagree with you. Let them solve a problem before you solve it for them. And when they succeed, give them the credit. Because eventually, every parent discovers what I discovered at the Metro. One day, the child you were protecting may be the person protecting you. One day, the student you were teaching may teach you something. One day, the young employee you were supervising may have an idea you never considered. And one day, you may realize that the generation you were worried about has been quietly preparing itself for the world you are about to hand over to them. So let us stop taking young people lightly. Let us stop assuming that youth means irresponsibility. Let us stop measuring them only by what we see on the surface. Let us give them responsibility, listen to them seriously, and allow them to surprise us. Because the goal of one generation should not be to keep the next generation dependent forever. The goal should be to prepare them so well that, one day, they can take responsibility, even for us.
