The Power of Appreciative Listening: Listening to Understand, Not to Oppose
NV Paulose, Chairman, Global TV +91 98441 82044
- In an engaging conversation with Ashwini, founding member of Mangalore Listeners Club, Dr. P. S. Yadapadithaya, former Vice Chancellor of Mangalore University, highlights why active listening is essential for effective communication, meaningful relationships and student engagement.
In a world where everyone wants to be heard, how many of us genuinely know how to listen? While communication is often understood as the ability to express thoughts and ideas, its most important yet frequently overlooked component is listening. This was the central theme of an insightful conversation between Ashwini, founding member of Mangalore Listeners Club, and Dr. P. S. Yadapadithaya, former Vice Chancellor of Mangalore University, on the importance of appreciative listening and storytelling.
Beginning with the challenges faced by today’s educational institutions, Dr. Yadapadithaya observed that student cynicism, scepticism and disengagement have become significant concerns. One of the underlying reasons, he suggested, is the declining ability of students to listen and engage meaningfully with the learning process.
Hearing is not the same as listening
Drawing a beautiful distinction, Dr. Yadapadithaya explained that hearing a sound and listening to music are two entirely different experiences. “Hearing happens without your control. You may hear traffic noise or other sounds around you. But listening requires commitment, a sense of purpose, pride and direction.”
True listening demands complete attention and involvement. Whether it is an interesting classroom lecture, a musical performance or a meaningful conversation, listening happens only when the mind is fully engaged. He pointed out a familiar situation in educational institutions: students who are physically present in classrooms but mentally absent. This disconnect, he explained, contributes significantly to student disengagement.
Moving from selective listening to appreciative listening
The conversation then explored the difference between selective listening and appreciative listening, a practice that Mangalore Listeners Club is keen to promote. Dr. Yadapadithaya observed that in a conventional teacher-centric classroom, students may remain attentive for approximately 20 minutes during a continuous lecture. Beyond that, their attention often declines, resulting in passive or pretentious listening rather than active participation.
For listening to become meaningful, it must involve intention, undivided attention and a genuine desire to understand. It should also be an enjoyable process. He emphasised that communication is a journey, not a destination. Just as education is a continuous journey, communication too is an ongoing process that requires participation, understanding and connection. Only then can communication become effective, efficient and impactful.
Listening: The foundation of effective leadership
One of the most significant insights shared during the conversation was the role of listening in shaping future professionals and leaders. Dr. Yadapadithaya stressed that students aspiring to become managers, executives or team leaders must recognise that effective leadership begins with powerful communication. And powerful communication is possible only when one possesses strong active listening skills. A person who does not listen effectively cannot fully understand what others are communicating or contribute meaningfully to a discussion.
He used a striking analogy to describe the consequences of poor listening, comparing an individual who cannot contribute meaningfully to an additional fitting in a Maruti car that serves neither a functional nor an aesthetic purpose. His message was clear: listening is not an optional soft skill. It is a fundamental ingredient of effective communication and professional success.
Storytelling: Making listening meaningful and engaging
When Ashwini asked how young people, particularly Gen Z, could be encouraged to develop better listening habits, Dr. Yadapadithaya offered an important perspective. “You can listen to anything only when you find that the process is interesting to you.” The challenge, therefore, is to create, build, nurture and sustain interest in the minds of listeners. For educators and communicators, this means making subjects relevant, relatable, touching and engaging. A lecture should not merely transfer information; it should inspire curiosity and encourage participation. This naturally led the discussion towards storytelling.
Storytelling, he agreed, is an effective way of making communication engaging. When ideas are presented through stories, experiences and relatable examples, listeners are more likely to connect with the message. However, he also offered a thoughtful reminder: everything in life cannot be interesting all the time. The solution is not simply to expect everything around us to be entertaining, but to learn to find interest in whatever we do.
He referred to the Kannada expression, “Mechidara Marana Sukha”, conveying the idea that finding appreciation and interest in something makes the experience more enjoyable. This is a particularly valuable lesson for students. Learning does not always have to be exciting on the surface. Developing the ability to find meaning and interest in the learning process is equally important.
From transaction to interaction: Connecting hearts and minds
The conversation also highlighted the responsibility of universities and educational institutions in nurturing listening as a deliberate life skill rather than assuming that it comes naturally to everyone. Dr. Yadapadithaya pointed out that teachers are powerful communicators, and their effectiveness depends not merely on how much information they deliver but on how successfully they connect with their students.
He made a memorable distinction between transaction and interaction. “Transaction is always one to one. Interaction is always heart to heart.” A classroom becomes truly meaningful when there is a strong connection between the teacher and the student. Communication cannot be effective if the sender and receiver remain disconnected.
Both parties have responsibilities: the sender must communicate with clarity and commitment, while the receiver must listen with attention and understand the message as intended. Without this mutual commitment, communication gaps emerge. This insight extends far beyond classrooms. It applies equally to meetings, professional environments, social interactions and personal relationships.
Listen to understand, not to oppose
Perhaps one of the most powerful messages from the conversation was the importance of listening without rushing to judgment. Dr. Yadapadithaya emphasised a simple but profound principle: “First, listen to understand, not to oppose.” We often begin preparing our responses even before the other person has finished speaking. We judge, interpret and arrive at conclusions without fully understanding the context or content of what is being communicated.
He suggested that we should first listen, understand, process and internalise an idea before agreeing or disagreeing with it. This principle is especially relevant in family and interpersonal relationships. Drawing from his observations of relationship counselling, he noted that misunderstandings between husbands and wives frequently arise from ineffective communication and poor listening.
He offered another valuable distinction: “Never react, but respond.” Reaction is instantaneous and often driven by emotion. Response, on the other hand, involves thought, patience and understanding. When we react without processing what the other person has said, we risk releasing negative energy and creating unnecessary conflict. To communicate meaningfully, we must first understand the context, respect the other person, exercise patience and then respond thoughtfully.
The beginning of better relationships is better listening
The conversation brought together several important dimensions of listening: education, leadership, storytelling, professional communication and personal relationships. Although these areas may appear different, they share one common foundation; the ability to listen with attention, empathy and an open mind. For students, listening can transform classroom learning into an engaging experience. For professionals, it can strengthen leadership and teamwork. For families, it can prevent misunderstandings and nurture healthier relationships. And for society, it can create greater empathy and mutual respect.
Communication does not begin when we speak; it begins when we listen. Through Mangalore Listeners Club, we hope to take this message beyond Mangalore and inspire individuals, educational institutions, organisations and communities to embrace the practice of appreciative listening. We invite like-minded people to come together and start Listeners Clubs in their own cities, towns, colleges, workplaces and communities. Such clubs can become welcoming spaces where people listen without judgment, share stories, exchange experiences and build meaningful human connections.
Imagine a world where people listen not merely to respond, but to understand; not to judge, but to appreciate; and not to oppose, but to connect. Every new Listeners Club can become a small yet powerful step towards creating that world. If you are inspired to start a Listeners Club in your locality and be part of this growing listening movement, we would love to hear from you. Reach out to Mangalore Listeners Club at +91 97399 73986. Let us come together to create a culture where every voice matters and every person feels heard. Because when we truly listen, we do more than hear words; we understand people.
